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Book 7 in the Henry Potty Series

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 Bumbling Bore’s voice dropped to a whisper. “You’re on the wrong quest.”

“What!” Henry shot up in his seat. “I’ve been dangling over the jaws of death, not to mention singing crocodiles and whatever sort of creature Bea Strange is, just to keep my fans reading. You said I have to collect all seven Plot Devices to win—that it’s the only way to kill Revolting. And I need another way to destroy them and I’ve gotta defeat Revolting and now you have another quest for me too?”

Bumbling Bore smiled. “Protégés are such fun. You see, there are other great items out there that aren’t Plot Devices. You should find…the National Treasures.”

Henry stared. “Halfway through the book and you spring this on me? What’s wrong with you?”

“My lifelong search for them is in my autobiography, Henry. Maybe you should read another thousand pages or so.”

Henry shuddered. “Did publishing it help cause the paper shortage?”

“Well, I admit, it took a few million tracts of forest I hadn’t accounted for. But it’s too late now. You only have one chance of survival: Stop these endless camping trips.”

Henry nodded absently and poked a marshmallow on the end of a stick, easing it into the fire. “So what are these National Treasures?”

“The Mega Death Laser 3000, the Bucket of Extra Lives, and the Very Wizardly Hat. The latter can produce bunnies and trick decks of cards, and all manner of wondrous marvels. Some even say…” Here Bumbling Bore paused dramatically. “…it is alive! Most don’t of course, but it’s still a groovy accessory.”

“And you think I should find all three? Even though I’m up to my ears in quests and items already? I mean, the motorhome’s bursting at the seams.”

Bumbling Bore nodded sagely. “You also need to find the thirteen treasures of Britain, the fourteen things on my laundry list, the three Unbelievable Curses—”

“Got those,” Henry muttered. “You were gullible enough to let Frankenstein teach us in our fourth year.”

“…A Golden Ticket, the Subtle Compass, Santa’s Wishlist, Carmen Santiago, the lost plunger, the Last Manticore, the six great Stopsigns of the Light, a canister of dehydrated water, the Perfect Chicken Strip, the Used Handkerchief of Destiny Upon Which Angels Themselves…”

“Forget it. I’m just going after the Plot Devices!”

Bumbling Bore nodded sagely. He didn’t know any other way to nod. “Then you’re a better man than I. You’ve passed the test. Many would’ve been tempted by hot babes, unlimited wealth, and domination over the entire earth. But, no, you choose to risk your life destroying the worthless fragments of Lord Revolting.”

Henry cleared his throat. “Did you say hot babes?"